I Blog. Therefore I am.

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Protecting My Child’s Innocence

stop-racism2I’ve been living in New Zealand for close to 8 years now. I must say that compared to most Asian migrants, my daughter and I have had it good. Racist remarks have been few and far between over the years. Racial discrimination whether at work or at social occasions have been subtle enough to render themselves obscure. Perhaps having a Kiwi for a Husband made all the difference. Maybe, maybe not. We were immune from the racial jibes. The taunts. Or so I thought.

When silly remarks were made in the past such as ‘Asian b*tch’ or ‘Go home to your country’ , they were mostly ignored by us. I’m an adult. I can handle it. Heck, I even survived the racist remarks made by my Husband’s ex-wife to me when she found out we were getting married — ‘She’s only marrying you to escape the Philippines’. It angered me, yes, that’s true. But I also learnt to dismiss it as rants of a narrow-minded and ignorant individual.

Like I said, these things I managed and learnt to ignore over the years. I’m an adult. I can fight my own battles. I can choose to ignore and dismiss things as I go.

But sometimes, there are things that you can’t ignore. Especially if they are emotionally affecting someone you love more than life itself.

That someone is my only daughter, Bea.

Yesterday, she came home from school hysterical after a very traumatic bus ride. Three teenage boys THREW STONES at her INSIDE the public bus while taunting her saying she doesn’t belong here and that she’s a bloody Asian. If she was not in a public place, who knows what extent they’d go to in their desire to be hurtful and destructive. I shudder at the thought.

It took all my herculean effort not to break down while my daughter narrated what happened to her over the phone.

I rage at the thought that this happened while my daughter was on her own without her family to protect her.

I rage at the thought that this is happening to a child who’s done nothing to deserve this treatment.

I rage at the thought that my daughter is being robbed of her childhood, her innocence. She is only 11!

My daughter has started questioning her right to be in this country (this is not the first act of racist bullying she’s experienced). She may not be born in New Zealand but she is a New Zealander and has lived here more than half her life! We pay our taxes, we obey the law and we deserve to be treated with respect.

I rage at the thought of doing nothing.

When it affects my daughter’s welfare, I will speak and stand up for her rights.

So today, I make a stand.

I make a stand to STOP. RACISM.

As parents, you may think that silly remarks like ‘Asian b*tch* or ‘Lazy Maoris’ or ‘bloody nigger’ are harmless. But when spoken out loud in front of impressionable children, these can be taken as the ‘norm’.

That it’s ok.

Those children will grow up to become teenage bullies who will think nothing of what they say. Because they heard and learnt them from YOU.

PROTECT MY CHILD’S INNOCENCE.

Bea January 2008

Protect your children’s innocence.

I will not wait for anything worse to happen to her before I speak up.

I will not wait for her to question her life and the reason for loving and living in this country.

I will not wait for her to tell me ‘Mum, I want to go home.’ Because this is home for us. This is where we are building our family’s memories. New Zealand is the country we are re-planting our roots.

I will not allow for my daughter to consciously start mixing exclusively with her ‘own race’ to protect herself.

I will not wait till it’s too late. I don’t want to feel the anguish of Megan Meier’s parents have gone through with her suicide due to bullying at MySpace.

I want her to grow up knowing that this a better world for her.

A world where people accept and respect you for you who you are regardless of the colour of your skin or station in life. A world where my daughter can grow up confident about herself and can stand up for her rights. Knowing that she is loved and that she is worth something.

Spread the word.

I am hopeful that each time my sharing gets read, it will make a positive difference in the way people view others. Remember, it takes one tiny step to make a difference.

STOP. RACISM. STOP. BULLYING.

Stop it now.

This is a battle worth fighting for. A war worth winning.

An Ode to my Sister

sister and mrsgooding

On my last visit home, I told you
“When you get married, I will pay for your wedding gown.”
I didn’t realise how prophetic those words we’re going to be.
Two months later on your birthday to be exact,
I received a text message “Ate, I’m getting married!”
I’m not sure if I have told that I had mixed emotions that time and
even asked, “Are you really sure?”
While I am happy that you have found the right man for you,
I have also realised that it is the end of an era for our family.

Growing up, I loved having a younger sister that I could boss around.
After all, that’s what the bunso’s are for. *wink*
Oh how I taunted you when we were kids and I’m sure you hated every minute of it.
Growing up with a sister like me mustn’t have been easy.
I do regret the times I have hurt you.
And if I could turn back the clock, I would.


Now, here you are, all grown up!
And with a gorgeous engagement ring to boot!
What a lovely person you have grown up to be.
I am so very proud to call you my sister and Bea’s aunt.
Thank you for those sleepless nights when you and Mum
took turns with me to look after Bea.
You are my advocate, my ally, my wind beneath my wings.

I wish you well, my dear sister.
Know that we are here fervently praying for your success in life and in marriage.
We look forward to having you and J join us here in NZ.
Soon, we’ll be together again, soon.
I love you.

- Ate

P.S.
This also means we’re going home to Manila around Christmas/NY holidays for a 3-week visit again to attend my sister’s wedding! Yay! EB, EB, EB and shopping/eating galore of course!

Of Letting Go and Acceptance


Today I woke up with a goal in mind. Despite the fact that it is summer, I did a bit of spring cleaning of our bedroom — I went through (and still am going through) our walk-in wardrobe (closet) that held all our clothes, shoes, bags (mine), plastic/paper bags (yes, I hoard them too!) and even empty boxes. Four hours and two balikbayan boxes filled with ‘rejects’ and one black rubbish bag filled with yes, rubbish later, my project is nowhere complete.

I’ve yet to sort through the two balikbayan boxes and decide which ones I could sell through trademe and those that I can give away to the Sallies.

I also went through old photos and letters from an old love (no, not the father of my child) carefully stored in two small boxes — as I sorted through them, I’ve decided now is the time to let the physical reminders go — Today, I have thrown away old movie tickets, an old bag, a pair of shoes and what-have-you’s. The old letters and photos are still neatly tucked away in a brown envelope. I don’t know if the time will ever come that I’d let go of it but for now, they are somewhere at the bottom of my wardrobe for safekeeping. I haven’t gone through them in years! Going through them certainly brought back memories.


2005 was a turning point in my life — I have made an important discovery — I can choose the relationships I want to nurture and the ones I could let go. It took you this long, you may ask but yes, it did! I used to want to please everyone. I used to bend over backwards to please certain people but for what purpose?

This realisation knew no boundaries — it transcended over each and every aspect of my life — my family, my friends, my stepdaughters, my work and yes, this realisation even covered my relationship (if there was any) with my husband’s ex.


I now exert more effort in the relationships that are important to me. I never used to discriminate the bad from the good apples but I have learnt valuable lessons the past year. I also realised life is too short to waste my efforts and valuable time on insignificant people (I call them time-wasters and I have been known to tell them to ‘get a life’ once or twice in the past) when I could be enriching my life with those that matter — significant others ika nga nila.


In that discovery, I have also gained more confidence in myself — of who I am, who I would like to be with and the roles I play in the lives of the people around me. Self-doubt will resurface from time to time but who doesn’t experience this?

As I have shed off the excess weight the past year, I have also in essence shed off the excess baggage that was hanging over us like a bad smell. What a liberating experience!

I love the person I am now and would seek to improve myself but I refuse to be a prisoner of what others think I should or ought to be. I’ve had a cup full of it and enough with the b*llsh*t, I say! Ha!


I look forward to what 2006 has in store not only for me but for the people I hold dear. I look forward to discovering new friendships and renewing the old.

Life is good. Yeah baby, it is….

Confessions of a Shoppaholic

Hi. I’m Christine and I’m a shoppaholic. (Christine sits down and everyone in the room greets her).

Yes, I confess — I am a shoppaholic and my close friends can attest to this. Shopping to me is what oxygen is for humans. If there was a Shoppaholics Anonymous ever set up, I’d be the first one to sign up.

I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth and never had a bottomless well to draw shopping money from but I have always loved to shop. It’s the actual thought of shopping and buying something that sends shivers down my spine rather than the actual item bought. So to me, it’s the means rather than the end.

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